Dreaming Wide Awake

I gotta questian for you... Have you ever been through a huge change, that it almost felt like a dream? I mean like, the past time you've lived a big lie or something fake. It;'s hard to explain but that is just how I felt since March. Still confused ? Oki, this is how iy goes. I lived in Disneyland, Florida the past eleven years of my life. Now I am back in my country (Argentina). I haven't been back since I was three. I haven't been with my family for a long time. And I had the change to meet new people and finally be when I am soppost to be. But like this past week I have been in some sort of depression. Like a bipolar one. I am happy in a minute and I am sad in a another. I had an awesome week, went out with my friends and got together with my crush. But in bettween the good times and stuff I felt like crying, I felt an emptyness inside of me that I had never felt before. I feel like I have just woken up from a dream, and the dream was that I was living over in Florida. Like if the life I lived was, a LIE. Like if this was my life since I was younger. Idontknow. I had never felt this way before. I realized that I miss things. My old life. But yet Iam happy to be here. I couldn't change it for the world. I feel as if I am in the middle of two lifes, and no matter what I am going to be dragged to the one I live now. I think it is that I was "dreaming" these past months, and I hadn't realized I ma here to stay and not to go back, EVER. I miss my friends. I misss the people I called "my family." I miss the old days. I miss my old school. I miss the experiences. " I miss all the guys I "loved." I miss the chances I had over there. I miss Disney. I miss my dad. (He's still over there, working to get us more money) I miss my best friend Sara. I miss my old house. I misss the Florida heat. I miss Floridian oranges. I miss going out on weekends with my parents and sisters. But most of all I miss and regret so badley those chances I had that I so wanted but let them slip away. I think that is it. I sometimes wish I had a time machine and I could go back and do those things. I always thought that if I didn't do it now, I could again have the chance in the future. That is my biggest promblem. I never seem to live in the present. I live in my future. i seem to miss the great things I have in front of me. And now, more than ever, I hate myself for that. It's all my fault. The past year I cried myself to sleep everynight, waiting and praying for the day we left would come. I never had a great childhood. I had tons of friends. But sometimes I felt I had tons of friends who secretly hated me. I was always "diffrent". I wasn't all that abd. I had good memorys. But I felt people were my friend because they felt bad for me. I had beautiful girl friends and all the guys liked them. But me, I was in the corner alone. Because I was too shy to dance and I wasn't that pwetty. So I was waiting to change all that when I got here. But I guess it's like living itself all over again here. Maybe the promblem is me?