You deserve so much better ...

2010. Wow. What a year. A year of change. A year of challenges. A year to learn. A year of a millionsmiles and billion tears. I learned a lot last year. I guess I started to really find myself. I found something I wasn’t even looking for. I found someone and something worth living for. I learned to appreciate what I had. I learned that nothing gets in the way of my dreams. I learned to challenge myself. To take advantage of the good in this world. To take chances. No doubts. No fears. Noregret. I guess I learned that, that’s what life i truly about. I’m never gonna let anything get in my way, ever again. Not anymore actually. I’ve grown, not just fisicaly, but also mentaly. I’vematured. I’ve gotten over my fear(s). I learned to trust someone. But I also learned not everyone is worth trusting in. Some people live off of the misery of others. They can’t stand seeing happiness in someone’s eyes. And in 2010 I realized that. Not everyone is good. But not everyone is bad. I can honestly say that 2010 brought me a handful of people who I can pour my ♥ out to. I can trust like no other. I can count on when I’m down. They’re the people I truly WANT to be part of my life. Not just now, but in my future; a future that is so unclear right now. When you can’t look back and you’re too afraid to look foward, ¿ WHERE CAN YOU LOOK ? My present isn’t exactly a walk in the park. But I guess that is my fault. For letting fear take over my life. And letting people take advantage of me. I don’t even know what I’ve always been afraid of. Maybe of what people thought about me, or what they could think about me. Or maybe of getting hurt ? I never quit let anyone know the real me, but I don’t even know who she is. Even thought I haven’t found myself completely last year, I started to. And I never had before. Maybe this place, i know call home, changed me. For the better ? I don’t know. I don’t know anything actually. But I do know something. 2010 drew me in. Loored me to someone unexpectedly. I didn’t fall in love, but I have loved in the past year. I have been hurt. And I have learned from it. I’m not gonna say I won’t ever make that mistake again, because I always do. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in 2010, but not all of them I regret. I’ve learned from most of them. Not saying I won’t make them again. But maybe if I do, I’ll do it with more nolage of the situacion. But those I do regret from, there is honestly nothing I can do with them now, it’s far too late. But there is one “mistake” I won’t ever regret. Meeting him. Liking him. Taking a chance with him. Because I know I would have regret it more. He’s the reason I’ve changed. So saying he didn’t mean anything to me last year, and still doesn’t, then I can just stop writing right here. Because he IS the reason 2010 was so worth remembering. The only thing that kept me alive. He kept me from going crazy. NO that’s a lie right there. Because I did go crazy, crazy for him. 2010 was all about him, and me. He showed me the way to find myself. Through music. Through hope. Through love. He helped me escape the world, without having to go far. I really have to thank him, for just simply being there for me. But I also have to thank a thousand other people. The one’s who I just met and those I secretly always had. They helped me open tons of doors to opportunities. They brought me happiness and also sadness. But I guess that’s nothing new to me. Nothing new from 2010. I’ve always felt this. Felt loneliness. I could be surrounded by million people and I can feel like the lonliest person on the ☺ of this planet. But that’s nobody’s fault, but my own. For letting things really get to me. And letting people get to me. And they’re the reason I am who I am. Yesterday, Today, and unfortunatly tomorrow. It’s pretty complicated if you really think about it. Because I’m not your adverage girl. But in a way I am. I learn that in 2010. Not be be afraid of who I am, or the girl I want to be. I want to be the girl who doesn’t get judge, just for being with the guys. The girl who can be pretty in somebody’s eyes. The girl someone can one day look up to. The girl that doesn’t have to be anyone, but herself. The girl that they could be proud of. And I started that already. Being me. And sadly I’ve been judge and critizied. Not only in 2010, but my entire life. In these last fifteen years of my sad, boring, pitiful, adventures, loving, playful life. I got tons of words to explain my life. But those just sum it up. Sums up the basics. It’s confusing, I know. Try being me. Try walking in my shoes for a while. But to finish this all of, I gotta say... THANK YOU 2010. You truly tought me so much. You are so worth telling my kids about someday. You were the best year I have lived in such a long time. You brought me something so undescribable great. You were the reason I could finally smile, for real. Not that fake smile I played off for my entire life. So thanks. You won’t ever be forgotten.